Chapter 4: Fire

Not long after I started high school, I began to notice

how different my classmates were.

The kids from town were at ease.

I came from the mountains—

and always felt a little stiff.

Things that came naturally to them—

I didn't know how to handle them.

After a while, they noticed too.

So they often teased me.

I was sensitive then; I blushed easily.

When I'd first arrived,

my roommate and I went to see the junior high on campus.

We found out that at junior high in town,

boys and girls could sit together at the same desk.

My roommate smiled and said how come he'd never had that kind of luck.

I thought the same.

The last time I'd had that was in first grade.

Another time,

the chemistry teacher lent me a few plastic molecular models.

I took them back to the dorm

and accidentally broke a bond in a water molecule.

I was terrified and barely slept for days.

When I returned them,

I saw a whole basket of them.

Parents in town were different from those in the mountains too.

They often came to the school on their own

to ask about their children's studies.

They would also find out who placed first.

In our grade there was even a "Parents' Committee."

That would have been unthinkable at a mountain school.

I had always thought studying was a joy for my friends and me.

Yet the grown-ups joined in too.

Didn't they have lives of their own?

I studied hard.

I was first in my class.

Everyone had their eyes on me.

Not only teachers,

but classmates, and even classmates' parents.

Sometimes I missed being second.

I even wished that classmate from elementary school were here.

Let him take first.

I would've stayed second, quietly.

I stopped drawing and singing.

Though I loved singing,

I didn't hum a single note all through high school.

Not even my roommates knew.

The school held an Arts and Sports Festival every year.

Once I thought about signing up to sing.

Then I thought, I had to get into university

and singing wasn't on the exam.

So I didn't sign up.

That night,

a big bonfire was lit in the square.

The flames were high.

Students sang,

danced around the fire.

Some were shouting.

Some were laughing.

The firelight flickered on their faces.

I stood outside the crowd, watching the fire.

I watched for a while.

Then I slipped back to the dorm to study.